I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
