At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
