Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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