did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You can't special order awesome
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
