She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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