i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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