I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
