He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
