You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
