I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
