good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
