he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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