Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
