I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
