It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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