do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
