Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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