Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
