this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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