So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
