Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize