these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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