TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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