He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
