i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
