look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
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just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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