I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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