I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize