That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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