Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I checked into jail on foursquare
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We need to get me chipped asap
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
