words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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