I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
there's paper in my vomit.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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