In America we eat man semen.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
