Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
