Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
