birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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