Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
