I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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