I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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