EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
