I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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