dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize