Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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