You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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