Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
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I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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