That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
