i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
