Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
