I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
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Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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