and she was petting her beer can
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
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So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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