i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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