Non-Jews are for practice
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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