so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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