I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
