when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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