dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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