38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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