Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
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For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You need a sexual gate keeper
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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