yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
