once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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