your parents love me but you hate me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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